It’s great you think you’re an independent 19 year old pregnant girl who’s married, but you don’t have to keep saying you’re pregnant. The fact that you want to buy used items for your baby because you can’t afford new stuff is your fucking fault, don’t blame the idea that things are expensive. It is your fault that you’re living off your barely-there-making-anything-military husband while you sit at home without a college degree because you got knocked up. You were never “better looking” before you were pregnant either (based on the your pictures on facebook), I’m sorry. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND ME ON FACEBOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN I NEVER PERSONALLY INTRODUCED MYSELF TO YOU?!
ONE UPPER EXAMPLES
Dog owner: My dog ate a bee today
HER: My aunt had a dog who ate flies.
Me: What kind of dog is he?
Owner: he’s a (names a really complicated breed only found in madagascar”)
HER: My friend has one of those!
HER (to me): I’m pregnant, I can’t take care of this dog, I wish I’d just die.
Owner: I love Georgia (her dog), I don’t know what I would have done without her.
HER: I love my dog so much too, she keeps me company when my husband is gone.
Owner: (just got in from running and totally sweating wearing those foot imprinted shoe thingys) Hi guys, I’m sorry if I’m really sweaty and stuff.
HER: Aw I miss running, I have those shoes too! They’re great, I love running in them.
*Uhh, you told me you hate walking and running. You told me you “live across the street in the apartments” and you “still have the drive to get to the park because you’re so lazy.”
Here’s the best one: There’s this sweet lady named Maria who I haven’t seen in a while with her dogs. Preggo girl said she saw Maria a few days ago and they went out to lunch. BUT TODAY I ran into one of the guy at the dog park with not only his dogs, but Maria’s too. I asked him why he has her dogs and he said “MARIA’S BEEN IN THE PHILIPPINES FOR TWO WEEKS.”
In conclusion: this preggo bitch is cray cray.
